An Affair Downstairs Read online

  “The separation must have been hard on them. Especially Logan, suffering from shyness.” Alice could picture him, a brooding boy with dark eyes and tousled hair.

  “I believe it was.” Mrs. Morrison paused as if considering how much to reveal, but fortunately she went on. “While he was away, Julia became enamored of the Earl of Stanhope. The earl was off at school when Logan and Julia were younger and had returned to Wenderton, his estate not far from here, upon the death of his father. He met Julia at one ball or another and swept her off her feet. He was a man. Logan was yet very much a boy. Still, when Logan came home from Harrow, he proposed to Julia expecting to be accepted.”

  “He must have been devastated when she turned him down.” Alice could imagine the crushing blow to a shy young man who trusted and loved as completely as Logan would have. “She did turn him down?”

  Mrs. Morrison nodded. “She hoped they would remain friends, but he went months without speaking to her. He refused to attend her wedding.”

  “How could she have expected him to? It must have felt like a betrayal.” Poor Logan, rejected and alone, isolated from his only friend—his closest friend, anyway.

  “At some point, they became friends again. I couldn’t tell you how it happened.”

  Alice suspected Mrs. Morrison knew exactly how. Servants always did. Out of respect, Mrs. Morrison would hold back that part of the story.

  “And shortly after, Stanhope was killed?” Alice asked.

  “Such a scandal. He was a powerful man from a respectable family. Some say his downfall was in loving the wrong woman. Those are the ones who blamed Logan.”

  “But Logan didn’t kill him. Not really. He must have been covering for someone.”

  “I’ve said too much. It’s his story to tell.”

  “I’m sorry. I’ve kept you far too long. Thank you for everything, Mrs. Morrison.”

  “You’re welcome. Can I get you anything?”

  “Yes. I left something in the pocket of my coat. If you could get my coat for me and direct me to Logan’s office or study, if he has such a nook in the house?”

  “He does. He shares it with his brother, but I believe Logan is there now. Like you, he was up very early.”

  The news didn’t surprise her. “Excellent, Mrs. Morrison. I will be grateful if you lead me to him.”

  ***

  Logan hadn’t slept. How could he get a moment’s rest knowing that Alice was under the same roof, that she’d slipped away from her likely disapproving sister just to come and see him? He wanted to spend every waking moment with her, but she’d had a long day and she’d barely regained her health. Reluctantly, he’d watched her go off to bed. In the morning, his heart picked up speed when someone knocked on his office door and he saw that it was Alice.

  “Come in, Alice. Good morning. I trust you slept well?” He rose to greet her.

  No one else was up yet, as far as he knew. Not even the girls, and they usually scampered through the halls at the crack of dawn with the nanny chasing after them.

  She started to smile and nod, then shook her head instead. “Not a wink.”

  “I’m sorry. Is your room sufficient? I can have another prepared…”

  “The room is ideal.” She placed a hand on his arm. “I simply had too much racing around in my head. A good thing, really. It has been too long since my thoughts have been clear enough to keep me awake.”

  “You’re dressed for walking?” He noticed she held her coat. “It’s a beautiful day, especially for this time of year. The sun is shining and I daresay it’s even a little warm outside. Let me call Barnett for my coat and I will join you for a walk.” He rang for the butler.

  “In a moment. First, I’ve got something for you.” She took a small box out of her pocket and placed it on the desk between them.

  “For me?”

  “I wanted you to have something to remind you of me.”

  “I don’t need reminders, Alice. You’re on my mind all the time. I could never forget you.”

  “Still.” She shrugged as if that was to be expected, but it was news to her. She was on his mind all the time? “I first had the idea to get you something a while ago, when I was trying to seduce you. But then I—well, things went along as they did, and I never got around to it. On my way here, I saw these in a window while I was passing a shop, and I knew I had to buy them for you. I just knew. Go ahead. Open the box.”

  He opened it to see a matched pair of onyx cuff links with diamond studs in the middle, tasteful but extravagant. He felt heat rise to his cheeks. “Alice, it’s the man who is supposed to buy jewelry for his lady. This is most unusual.”

  “But do you like them?” Her eyes widened expectantly.

  “I do. Very much. But I’m sure they were too expensive.”

  “Don’t say you can’t accept them. I won’t bear it. I need you to have them. Please.”

  “All right, Alice. But I wish I had something for you. It’s not even my birthday.” Her lips began to form a slight pout, and he realized he was saying all the wrong things. He changed his tone. “Thank you. I love them. I will treasure them forever, as I treasure you.”

  She applauded his gracious performance of acceptance. “Well done. You’re welcome. I’m so glad you like them.”

  “But you shouldn’t have, you know.”

  “I did. It’s almost Christmas. A gift is hardly out of line, and you can’t give them back now.”

  He laughed and stepped around the desk to take her in his arms, where he felt that she belonged. It was good to have her back. “I never could stop you, Alice, when you set your mind to something. I’m not sure anyone could.”

  Before Logan could kiss her, as he so badly wanted to, the butler interrupted, appearing at the doorway with Logan’s coat as if he’d anticipated Logan’s request. Once Logan helped Alice into her coat and donned his own, he held out his arm to escort her to the grounds. They ambled to a lane that wrapped around the back of the house and wandered through the three garden hedgerows that were carved into arches along the way.

  “I thought about doing something like this at Thornbrook Park.” He gestured to the hedges. He couldn’t remember having so many silences with Alice in the past. She’d been a veritable magpie. And now, so quiet. Had her feelings changed so much? “Sturridge changed my mind. Too much upkeep, he said.”

  “I find them rather charming.” She let go of his arm, walked through one arch, and spun around the outside to go through again. “It’s a shame that Sturridge lacked the bravery to execute the idea. The lemon trees are thriving, though.”

  “At last? Truly? When I left, I worried we would lose them both. They were dropping brown leaves by the hour.”

  “All green now with some buds. Perhaps we’ll have lemons by spring.”

  “Probably not. They can take a few years to bear fruit. I read one of Brumley’s books on the subject. I wish I’d read a book on you instead,” he said, stopping to take her hands. “What’s going on with you, Alice? Are you really well?”

  “Of course. I’m much better now. I know I’m quiet. The accident left me quite shaken. Afterward, I didn’t know what to think. I knew I wanted to see you. That was the one thing of which I’m certain. And then everything dissolved into the fog.”

  “The fog has lifted, though? It hasn’t come back?”

  “No. I’m free of fog. I am dying of curiosity, though. Where are you taking me?”

  “We’re reliving some of my past.”

  She stopped in her tracks. “If you’re taking me to meet Julia, Logan, let’s turn around now. I don’t want to go. I can barely stand the thought of losing you, but I won’t be able to meet the woman who will share your life instead of me.”

  Her words racked him so that he felt physically shaken. He managed to remain on his feet, but he felt as if her hand had reached right into his chest and gripped him by the heart. In two strides, he was at her side, pulling her into his arms and holding her as tightly as he d
ared. “Alice.”

  “Logan?” She remained in his arms, waiting.

  “Alice, you’ll never lose me. Not unless you want to, and even then…you’ll always be a part of me, deep down.” He took her hand and placed it on his chest, inside his coat. “You’re in here, rooted like a weed. You’ve tunneled your way in and I can’t rip you out.”

  “A weed?” She tilted her head, examining her hand on his chest. “At one time, I thought your heart was made of stone. But perhaps it was only frozen earth, now melted.”

  “You melted it to damp, fertile soil.”

  “A weed, though? You could have at least said, ‘Like a tree.’ Rooted like a tree. It sounds a tad more romantic, doesn’t it?”

  “I’m no romantic. Maybe with a little more work. You do bring out the best in me. Although, ‘My heart is made of damp soil’ wouldn’t exactly inspire poets, either.” He laughed with her. The feeling of laughing with Alice again sent his spirit soaring. She could barely stand the thought of losing him? She thought Julia was still alive. “Trust me. Come with me. We’re taking a walk through my past, not my present.”

  She nodded. “I trust you, Logan.”

  They walked past the brook, half frozen, and the tree he used to climb and sit on top of for hours all alone.

  “You climbed way up there? Could you still climb it?”

  “I’m not inclined to try. I was a bit more agile in those days.”

  “You’re still very agile. I’ve watched you climb the eaves to clear clogged storm drains.”

  “Aha, I always felt like I was being watched.” He turned to her, one eyebrow arched. “I supposed it one of Agatha’s ghosts.”

  She tapped his arm playfully. “You’ve somehow grown a sense of humor since you’ve come home. It becomes you.”

  “If I’ve grown a sense of humor, it’s something else you planted in my damp soil heart.”

  “We’ll have to be careful with that. It’s remarkably fertile.”

  “Or you’re that remarkable a gardener. You’ve never tried your hand at it enough to know.”

  “Touché, Logan. I confess that I watched you all last summer. I could hardly take my eyes off you.”

  “I wasn’t exactly blind to you. Even before you made yourself unavoidable. I noticed you when you first came to Thornbrook Park, though I convinced myself that I was an old man with no business ogling such a beautiful young creature.”

  “Now I’m a creature.” She pretended to be offended. “But you didn’t think me beautiful back then. Like everyone, you compared me to Sophia and found me wanting.”

  “Not at all. Alice, you’ve no idea how striking you are. When the sun hits at the right angle to bring out the red glints in your hair, we’re all like moths to your flame. Your sister might be compared to Aphrodite, but you’re my Artemis, a far more interesting goddess, one who hunts versus one who swans around looking pretty.”

  “I’m not much of a hunter, as evidenced by my fall from a horse. And to her credit, Sophia does far more than swan around. Especially once I gave her a purpose. She took to caregiving with an unexpected fervor. I didn’t think I would ever manage to get out of her sight.”

  “But you did, and I’m delighted to have you with me. One can’t help but notice you, Alice, even with your sister in proximity. But of course, it’s your conversational skills that held my attention. I’ve missed our talks.”

  “As have I.” She tucked her hand into his as they walked on. “And if by conversational skills, you mean my ability to talk until you have no choice but to listen and respond, then yes. I’m very skilled.”

  He led her along the bank of the brook toward the Kirkland house. He stopped at the edge of the woods, where the brook curved before it turned into the marsh and the slate roof of the manor house was just visible over the treetops.

  “This is where I met Julia.” He gestured at the clearing all around them, drab brown with the winter, but green with new life in the spring. “I suffered from shyness when I was a boy.”

  “Not exactly hard to believe.”

  “She found me here one afternoon, by that tree.” He continued walking to where he pointed, leading Alice by the hand, and stopped to lean against the trunk. “We were eight years old. I’d gone for one of my long walks. Mother had died the previous year. With John off at school and Father always so busy, I spent a lot of time out of doors on my own. And I had quite an imagination, as children do. When she came across me, I was knee deep in the water, trying to catch a fish with my bare hands like a bear would.”

  Alice giggled. “Did you frighten her with your mighty growl?”

  “I jumped when my hands actually made contact with a fish and fell in the water, and she roared with laughter at me. It was humiliating.”

  “Poor Logan. Your ego was bruised.” Alice rumpled his hair.

  “Until Julia got in the water with me. She claimed to be an expert on bears, that she had seen them fishing in the brook on numerous occasions, and she knew exactly what to do.”

  “Oh.” Alice blushed. “Like another woman who claimed to know what do with lemon trees. You keep running into females with vast experience in your topics of interest.”

  He brushed a wisp of hair from Alice’s eyes. “Yes, it’s my good fortune. For her part, Julia said that fishing all came down to knowing how to use one’s claws to spear the fish at just the right moment. The fact that neither of us had claws didn’t occur to us. We got very wet, and of course we caught no fish. But we became fast friends that day and remained so for many years. We would often meet here, at this very spot, and hatch our plans for the day’s adventures.

  “Years passed. I went away to school. Julia became bored waiting for me to come home and met someone else. It was inevitable. She was a beautiful seventeen-year-old girl, and some other man had the advantage of winning her heart in my absence. I’d had no idea. I came home and proposed right here on this spot with a ring that had been my grandmother’s, a moonstone, not the most expensive stone but one that would mean something to us. We’d stayed out as late as we could when we were together in the summers. The nights with a full moon were our favorites because we could see at night almost as clearly as during the day.

  “I used to tell her I would capture the moon for her, if I could, and here I was presenting it in a platinum band set with tiny diamond chips, like twinkling stars, on either side of it. She looked at me, astonishment widening her eyes, and said it was a lovely ring that I should save for the right girl.”

  “She didn’t understand what you were asking? That you thought she was the one?” At Logan’s side, Alice relaxed, leaning against the tree to hear the rest of what she’d rightfully decided was going to be a longer story.

  “She understood perfectly. When she turned me down, though she did it as sweetly and gently as she could, I was angry. Hurt, but that came out as anger. I said things I regretted instantly. I threw the ring in the brook.” He stomped to the water’s edge and mimed the toss, reenacting, and turned back to Alice. “We didn’t speak for a year. She married her earl and became Countess of Stanhope.

  “Unfortunately, her marriage was not the fairy tale she’d dreamed. As she later told me, Stanhope spent much of his time gambling and drinking, and his estate was deeply in debt. When Julia accepted Stanhope’s proposal, her mother had been dead for two years and her father’s health was in steady decline. Stanhope proposed believing that Julia’s father would be dead soon, leaving Julia his sole heir and enabling Stanhope to pay off his debts.”

  “How awful for her. I’m so sorry.” Alice’s brow furrowed with concern.

  “The longer William Kirkland lived, the angrier and more resentful Stanhope became. He took it out on Julia. He would stay out gaming too long and drinking too much, and come home raring to tear into someone. It started as a slap here, a push there, and escalated to knocking Julia unconscious and even breaking bones. For her father and for the doctor who treated her, she always had a ready excuse.�
�

  “But she finally came to you. She knew that you would still do anything for her.”

  He shook his head. “It wasn’t like that exactly. I happened upon her here one day. As I walked up”—he gestured to the path they’d followed—“I could see that she was soaking wet. I thought perhaps that she’d fallen in the brook, but she threw herself in again. And again. She kept throwing herself back into the water only to emerge a minute later.

  “I thought she was trying to drown herself and going about it badly, and I ran all the way to try to stop her. That’s when I saw her black eye, and I realized that she wasn’t just wet from the brook, that she’d been crying. I said she had to stop whatever she was doing and talk to me. She said she was done, that she had finally learned to fish like a bear, and she held up her catch, shining in her palm.”

  “Your grandmother’s ring.” Alice’s mouth gaped. “Fate. That’s what Agatha would say.”

  “It felt like fate.” He nodded. “She told me that she’d made a mistake in turning me down, and that she missed me. I held her while she cried. Finally, she told me about her marriage. I was ready to kill Stanhope right then with my bare hands. Of course, she convinced me to step aside. She was expecting his child. Her father believed her happily married, and his fondest wish had been that he could hold his first grandchild before he died. I should have protested. I should never have let her go back home to that monster, but I…”

  “Whatever happened, Logan, you can’t blame yourself.”

  He went on. “I believed her when she said that telling Stanhope about the baby would make all the difference, that he wouldn’t do anything to her that would hurt the child. She was five months along and she hadn’t told him yet. At first, she’d said she was hoping he would beat her so that she would lose the baby and be free again, no trace of him remaining with her. Then, once she’d first felt the baby move, she realized how desperately she wanted to be a mother.”

  “My apologies, Logan.” Alice placed her hand on his back consolingly. “I thought perhaps that Grace was your daughter, and that was why John and Ellen had agreed to raise her.”