An Affair Downstairs Read online

  The wind was knocked clean out of her. She lay flat on her back, trying desperately to catch her breath, when she heard her own name through a fog. “Alice! Good God, Alice!” Winthrop’s voice, and suddenly he was at her side, leaning over her.

  The last sight she had before losing consciousness was of Winthrop’s very anxious cobalt eyes peering down at her. Eyes like the midnight sky, she thought, and drifted off into their darkness.

  Fourteen

  Logan Winthrop, no stranger to murderous thoughts, had never wanted to kill a man more than he now longed to murder the Earl of Ralston. And this time, he felt capable of doing it with his bare hands. Sitting at Alice’s bedside, waiting for her to wake up, he imagined his hands closing around Ralston’s throat and popping his Adam’s apple like a chicken egg. It was the only distraction that kept him from throwing himself on Alice and begging her to be all right.

  The man had no business leading Alice to certain danger. Ralston knew of the water hazard and had led his horse from right to left to avoid being mired in it. He certainly should have anticipated that someone following him closely would have had no ability to react in time. Now Alice, lovely Alice, was paying the price.

  Logan insisted on staying by Alice’s side, only leaving to allow her sister to be alone with her for a short time and for the doctor’s examination before pleading to be let back into the room. On her own, Alice had moved her hand once her attendants were through changing her for the doctor’s examination. It was an encouraging sign, according to Dr. Pederson. She would probably not be paralyzed. The main concern was that she should regain consciousness, which she hadn’t yet. Outside, Logan could hear the doctor mulling options with Lady Averford. Brain swelling. Coma. Words that Winthrop did not want to hear, especially after being with his brother during the recent crisis. None of it was good.

  “Alice.” He squeezed her hand. “My sweet, you have to wake up.”

  He loved her, he knew beyond a doubt. The way his heart had constricted when he saw her tumbling from the horse, the agony of not being able to reach her in time. The bitter roiling in the pit of his stomach from his fear and worry. He loved her. She wasn’t just a woman to him anymore. She was life itself.

  She remained as if asleep, eyes closed, not a bruise on her. A sleeping angel. But Alice was no angel. “You’re a rebel, Alice,” he reminded her. “You have to fight.”

  He heard the door open behind him and a soft hand on his back. He stood to give his chair to Alice’s sister, the woman who rightfully belonged at Alice’s side.

  “She can’t be moved,” Lady Averford said. “The Holcombs are very understanding, of course. They’ve invited us to stay as long as Alice is here.”

  “Charitable of them, considering. Damn that fool Ralston!”

  “Logan.” Lady Averford sighed and accepted the chair. “If I may call you Logan, considering the closeness you apparently share with Alice?”

  “I’m sorry, Lady Averford. We never meant for it to become public knowledge.”

  “I’m her sister.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m trying to explain to you how I feel about Lady Alice. It came upon me suddenly. One day, she was trailing after me as usual, annoying me as I tried to work. The next day, I couldn’t find her and I began to miss her chatter. Not long after that, we became friends, and from friendship—”

  “It’s why she couldn’t bear to consider any of my other candidates.” Sophia nodded.

  “Not exactly. Maybe. I tried to step aside. She’s persistent. And when we found ourselves alone together… I understand you will want me to resign. I will, effective immediately. But please don’t force me to leave her now.” The ache inside him went so deep that he had no idea how to root it out.

  Lady Averford pursed her lips. “You have to understand what it looks like. The minute it happened, you leaped from your horse. Some say you flew, but I think they might be exaggerating. You were at her side in less than an instant, and some worried that you and Lord Ralston would come to blows.”

  “I was mad with concern, Lady—Sophia. Mad.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I’m still nearly out of my mind. It’s what caused me to realize the full depth of my love for her. Because I love her, I’m willing to walk away. She deserves better. I kept telling her.”

  “You’re a good man, Logan. We all think very highly of you.”

  “But I’m not the right man, am I? You’re sympathetic now, and I appreciate it, but you don’t want me to be the one for her. I offered.”

  “Marriage? You offered Alice marriage?”

  He nodded. “Of course I did. What would you expect me to do? But she wanted nothing to do with a marriage she felt I offered out of duty. I never told her that I love her. What I wouldn’t give to say the words, to see how she feels, if it makes a difference.”

  “If it were up to me, I would let you stay. I’ve seen the way she looks at you, and it has worried me. Eve warned me. We both thought if I insisted that Alice stop trailing after you, that it would be the very thing she would do. So we said nothing. I said nothing. And now, letting you stay might do her some good. But people talk, Logan. Your reaction was more than an estate manager would feel for a mere member of the family he serves. I can only explain it as duty or a reaction from your own past trauma so often before people begin to think otherwise.”

  “Before people begin to think that there’s something between Alice and me.” He nodded, knowing exactly what she was getting at but not quite saying. “You think I should go.”

  “Alice is going to wake up. I don’t know when, but she will. She’s tenacious.”

  “I know.” He smiled.

  “Exactly. But if you stay much longer, people will expect a wedding. Ralston told me he was about to propose. I fear she will look damaged somehow.”

  “You fear they will believe the truth, that Alice and I were lovers.”

  “Lovers. We live in a modern age, but I’m not sure most men are ready to accept a lightskirt for a bride.”

  He fisted his hands. “She’s your sister. You know she’s not like that. It wasn’t like that.”

  “What people believe is often far from the truth, Logan. You know it better than most.”

  People believed him a murderer. Sophia was right. “Alice doesn’t care what people believe.”

  Sophia shook her head. “She does not, indeed. And perhaps you will stay by her side until she wakes, lean over her with tears in your eyes, and tell her how glad you are to have her back, how much you love her. And she will agree that she loves you, too, and that she’ll marry you…”

  “No. It’s not what she wants. Not that way. I won’t have her feel forced to accept me.”

  “I don’t think it is what she wants.” Sophia raised a brow, as if considering. “But if you stay…”

  “She doesn’t want any of your candidates, either, you should know. Whether I’m here or gone. She wants freedom.”

  “What kind of freedom does one have when ostracized from the only society one knows? Believe me, I know it sounds cruel. But you can tell me. You’ve been there.” Harsh as Sophia’s words were to hear, he knew she spoke out of love for her sister. And she was right. Deep down he knew. If he stayed, he would tell Alice he loved her, and it would change everything, perhaps not in the best way for Alice. She had to be free to make her own choices when the time was right.

  He nodded. “In a way, I’ll always be there, on the outside, not fitting in with one set or the other. Alice taught me what it was to want to live again. I won’t take that chance from her. Could you give me a moment to say good-bye?”

  Sophia stood to leave. “Not much longer, Logan.”

  “I’ll be quick.” Once the door closed behind Sophia, Logan took Alice’s hand and leaned over her. “I love you, Alice. I should have told you as soon as I realized it. I love you. When you open your eyes, I won’t be here, but know that my love remains. Come back to us, Alice, and forgive me for what I’m about to do.�
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  It nearly ripped his heart out to walk away from her, looking so fragile in the bed. Even the red in her hair seemed to have dulled. He wanted so badly to stay and bring her color back to her. Sophia had a point, though. If he stayed and Alice woke, would she feel compelled to say she would marry him? Would she regret it afterward? He knew her dreams, and he couldn’t stand to hold her back. On his recent visit, his family had made it clear that they would welcome him back. Now it seemed best that he leave Thornbrook Park and return to his family.

  His next step was to explain himself to Lord Averford. He found his employer in the drawing room and asked for a word alone.

  “I’ve been expecting you,” Averford confessed, leading Logan to a small parlor where they could speak privately. “It’s clear that you’re a man in love. I’ve seen that look. I’ve worn it. She’ll pull through this, Winthrop. Alice is as strong as they come.”

  “So is her sister, and you know the countess would never approve of us together, Alice and me. Not really. She might give her permission, but I’m not sure she would ever really like the idea. As for Alice, she doesn’t mean to marry. I offered, and she turned me down.”

  “Well. That is a surprise.” Averford poured two glasses of whiskey and held one out to Logan. He took it. “She’s a spirited one, our Alice. You don’t think she would change her mind? The girl says a lot of things she doesn’t mean, or so I’ve noticed through the years. She likes to watch the effect her words have without really thinking through the impact on herself.”

  Logan tilted his head. “That might have been true when she was younger, and she does have a flair for the dramatic.”

  “It runs in the family.” Averford paused mid-sip to wink over the edge of his glass.

  “Yes, but I find she has changed some in the few years I’ve known her. She has grown into herself, and I believe she’s a remarkable woman.”

  “Then stay, Winthrop. Stay and marry her. Who cares what people think? Lord knows she doesn’t care much for public opinion.”

  “Your wife reminded me that Alice might care if it took her away from the only people she has known and cared about her whole life. You know what happened to Eve before she married your brother. She still hasn’t reconciled with the family who disowned her over her first husband. And then there’s my past to consider. I’ve become used to the rumors and questions. But could Alice?”

  “It would be to your credit to wait and ask her. Find out.”

  Logan shook his head. “No. I’ve made my decision. I think there’s some part of her that needs more time to be on her own. I was just a step on her journey. A good step, I hope. But she’ll get past me and on to other things. She might have already done so, or why would she have come to the fox hunt in the fine company of the Earl of Ralston? Alice is an explorer. I’m going to give her the freedom she deserves to explore.”

  “That’s it, then? I’ve lost my trusted estate agent?”

  “I’ll head back to Thornbrook Park and work with Mr. Finch and Mrs. Hoyle to see that a replacement is found. I won’t leave before I know that you have someone. It will take me some time to pack up my belongings in the cottage. And of course, I can’t bring myself to go as far away as Stratton Place without knowing how Alice is recovering.” He brought his hand to his forehead, more to hide his concern than to ease his tension.

  “I know, Winthrop. I know. And I thank you. I’ll be sure you get word of her progress daily. You know you’re always a welcome visitor at Thornbrook Park. I hope we’ll all be back within the week.”

  “I hope so, too. Good night, Lord Averford. And, I suppose, good-bye as well.” He held out his hand.

  Averford shook it. “Don’t say good-bye. Let’s just say until we meet again.”

  ***

  When Alice opened her eyes, the first thing she saw was a genuine look of relief on Lord Ralston’s face.

  “Alice, you’ve come back to us.” Were those tears in his eyes? How long had she been unconscious? She tried to sit up.

  “That’s it, try to sit. Your body has been through a bit of a shock.”

  The whole scene reminded her of when she’d fainted and had woken up in Winthrop’s bed. Only Winthrop’s eyes had held the look of concern, and he’d urged her not to sit up too soon. In fact, Logan Winthrop’s eyes were the last thing she could remember, like a midnight sky, and she was floating toward it…

  “What happened?” Her hand went to her head as if to steady it. It seemed to weigh ten times more than it should, and she found she could barely hold it up. And the pain, sharp shooting pain. “Ow.”

  “Some pain is to be expected, I suppose. You’ve had a sharp knock to the head.”

  “I think I went down on a log when I fell off Brutus.”

  “Ah, that explains it,” Ralston said. “It’s good that you remember.”

  He looked uncertain about whether it really was a good thing. Where was Logan? She’d expected to find him at her side when she woke, if only out of his unerring sense of duty. Of course, she expected more than duty to keep him close. And yet…

  Sophia came in. “You’re awake. Oh, Alice.” She ran to the bed as if she hadn’t seen Alice in a year.

  “How long was I unconscious?”

  “Two days. Well, two and a half, if you count the day it happened. And on the third day, Alice opened her eyes.” Sophia clapped as if Alice had just performed a miracle or at least a brilliant tune on the piano.

  “Two days? As long as that? And you’re treating me as if you thought I might wake up a mental invalid?”

  Ralston had the nerve to laugh. “We did wonder a bit about your memory recall.”

  “My recall is perfectly fine, thank you. Except that two days seems a long time to be unconscious.” Who had changed her clothes? She prayed it was Jenks or her own sister, people she was familiar with, and not the Holcomb maids.

  And she was dying to ask Sophia what had become of Winthrop. They weren’t exactly engaged, but she couldn’t help but think he would stand by her in a traumatic crisis. He wasn’t the sort to run away, was he? But wasn’t that exactly what he’d done in his past?

  “Dr. Pederson is on his way in.”

  After a brief examination, the doctor declared her well, but not ready to be moved. He recommended that she slowly begin resuming her usual activities and said she should expect to tire easily. He added that she was very lucky it hadn’t been worse. She might have broken her back or become paralyzed instead of suffering several days’ unconsciousness and a stinging headache.

  “That settles it.” Ralston came back in as soon as he was allowed. “I’m not leaving your side. I’m to be your constant companion and personal servant until you’re completely recovered.”

  Sophia had come back in as well. “He stayed by your side the entire time.”

  “The entire time?” The thought made her a bit uncomfortable. What if she’d talked in her sleep? She supposed she hadn’t actually been asleep, but if she had any sort of awareness, she might have asked for Logan. She wanted to ask Sophia about him now.

  “You heard the doctor. I’m going to be fine. I’m certainly capable of being left alone. In fact, I am feeling tired. Perhaps you can take some time to yourself while I sleep?”

  Ralston laced fingers with hers, lifted her hand to his lips, and kissed it. “I hate to leave you even for that long.”

  Please leave me, she thought. She wanted to speak with her sister, and then she really did want some time alone to think about what had happened.

  “Thank you, Lord Ralston,” she said, trying to be at her most charming. “But I do need some rest, and there’s really no point in staying by my side and watching me sleep. How dreadfully dull!”

  “Yes, Ralston,” Sophia said, taking the hint. “She’s bound to have a parade of visitors soon, now that word is out that she’s back among the living. Let’s leave her for a little while. But we’ll be back.”

  Ralston agreed. “A short separation. ‘Partin
g is such sweet sorrow…’”

  Alice rolled her eyes. At least Winthrop’s thoughts were all his own and not borrowed quotes. “Sophia, a moment. Could you fluff my pillows?”

  Sophia came back to Alice’s bedside and fluffed. “There. Anything else?”

  “What happened to Logan Winthrop? I expected he would be here.” She didn’t care if she was giving herself away. He had been her last vision before closing her eyes and her first thought upon waking.

  “Mr. Winthrop?” Sophia appeared to be surprised. “Why, he went back to work at Thornbrook Park. Someone had to tend the horses and get back to manage the tenants. He is a man of duty above all, isn’t he?”

  “Yes. Still, I thought he might be concerned about me.”

  “He did see that you were settled before he left. But Alice.” Sophia nibbled her lip in the way that said she was about to say something she didn’t want to say, but actually meant that she was usually quite delighted with herself for being the one to share the news. “He’s leaving.”

  “Leaving Holcomb House? You said he already had.”

  “Leaving Thornbrook Park. He has decided to go home to his family. Isn’t that wonderful? For him. We’ll have to find a new land agent, of course, but… I suppose when he was home tending his brother, he realized how much he was missed.”

  “How lovely for him.” She tried to hide her disappointment, mostly because she sensed it was exactly what Sophia had expected Alice to feel at the news, disappointed. “I never got to ask him about his time there. He must have been gone a long time to lessen the impact of what happened in his past.”

  “I suppose. Gabriel has already hired a replacement, a cousin of Mrs. Hoyle, as it happens.”

  “How convenient.”

  “The new estate manager starts in a week.”

  A week? Alice tried not to startle at the news. She would never even get to say good-bye. How could Logan rush off without saying good-bye? Maybe it was easier for him, a man. A man used to running when things went wrong. But she was being unfair. He’d never gotten around to explaining his past. Alice forced a yawn. “Thank you for the news. I really should get some rest.”